Happiness is...

These past few months, I've been complaining way too much. What with all the summer job worrying, the lack of momentum, and the social awkwardness (nothing new here), I've hardly taken the time to appreciate everything around me. Here are a few things I've enjoyed today:

--Today was the best biking weather I've seen in a very long time. Sunny, with a light breeze. 75 degrees. It was so perfect I actually biked around for 20 minutes just enjoying the weather. Although this may be because I was hyped off sweet potato fries.

--I broke out my pink flower sandals for the first time this year. Happy happy fun fun :)

--The tumblrs I follow are amazing. It sounds cheesy to say that they're inspirational, but they really are.

I mean, there's still a lot of ungrateful angst in the background, but I'll just not focus on that now.

Angst

angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst

Nightworking

I love working late at night. If I'm not tired out of my mind, it's my favorite time to work. Everyone is asleep, including my roommate, and the world is dark outside my window. In my room, there's just a lamp illuminating my desk, and it's much easier to concentrate on working. I used to think it was because it's the threat of an impending deadline the next morning, but it's so much more relaxing when the deadline is a day away. Look at Monday's late night! So full of angst. That's probably because I needed to stay up to finish an essay due the next morning. Just an extra day before the deadline changes everything. Plus it was a lot less efficient; I stayed up until 5 and still didn't finish the darn thing.

As long as I stay on iTunes (or go music-less) and avoid YouTube, I can focus so much better on my work than during the day. During the daytime, I always feel self-conscious because other people are up and about, and daytime just doesn't have the sense of urgency as nighttime (calm urgency in this case. a good feeling.). It's so much easier to get distracted by other things when you feel you still have time for homework later. And I thought it was better to be in the computer cluster than in my room, but it's really not. It's bright enough in the cluster to resemble daytime, and the presence of other people makes me anxious. I spend more energy than I should trying not to disturb them or not do weird things in their presence.

I love just sitting in my darkened room, Mika's Kick Ass blasting on repeat in my headphones, a half-empty cup of tea in my Friends mug, focusing on one project. It's definitely helped by my cracking open a gold mine of a book for my research paper. I don't know why, I just feel incredibly happy right now, happy to be alive in general and especially at this hour. (I don't know why right now, because it's 3 in the morning and I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 65 hours, but I'll analyze it in the morning. I don't like not knowing why I'm happy. If I know why, I can make it happen more often!) Besides the book, I think another reason I'm happy is because my brain is only on half-power, so I don't think quite so deeply about stressful issues. (Down-side: short memory span and tendency to spell desk deask.) I've also had a pretty solidly good day, including but not limited to finishing my BioE problem set early, finishing a Tuesday NYT crossword by myself for the first (or second?) time, and was surprising alert for someone running on little sleep. (Actually, now that I think of it, I think I'm only remembering the highlights due to my good mood.) Or this whole thing may just be hormonal. Who knows. Life is good.

The only thing I dread is the morning, when I wake up with a mild headache and a loathing for everything bright, cheery, and loudly social. And early-morning lectures, of course.


Recipe for staving off a cold that's about to rear its head: 1 cup ginger tea with 1/2 tsp ascorbic acid, plus lots of water. But drinking lots of water will make you have to go to the bathroom thrice as often, ruining the Working At Night allure. But only a little. Remember, sick = low concentration = no more working at night! Also, quit going to the bathroom so often. You underestimate the capacity of your bladder. (TMI...?)

Recipe for waking up early in the morning: sleep sitting down at your desk. It's not as soft and warm as your bed, so it's easier to get up in the morning, but it's comfortable enough to sleep through. Remember to wear an insulated jacket and warm pants, or else you may get sick (see above). Also, if you rest your head in your arms, you may have pins and needles for a few minutes. Best avoid this position unless cramped for space.

Highlights of the Week

disclaimer: very food-heavy :9

Saturday: We (SB, KL, DH, MB, DO, and me) went to the Counter, and I got a beef, pineapple, cranberries, and lettuce burger. It was very good. Plus they have awesome fries. And then we went to Cold Stone while listening to Belle and Sebastian's new album, Write About Love.

Sunday: NS, my brother, and I went to the Tomales Bay Oyster Company near Point Reyes. It was a full-day adventure, driving for two hours up hwy 1 (note to self: don't ever let brother drive up hwy 1, unless you bring a barf bag). It was slightly freezing, but delicious and the first time I ever shuck or ate raw oysters (hellooo 101 in 1001!). Afterwards, we went to Verde for PMT, and then I ate dinner with my brother and his friends at his residence.

Monday to mid-Thursday were dark times. You know, the three P's - presentations, psets, papers. I don't like to think of those. Although I did learn from various coffee runs around campus that I can get Endangered Species chocolate for $1.

Thursday: Lunch at Sushi House with my AIM mentor. They have really great teriyaki chicken and seaweed, like at Ophelia's Cafe, and . Later, after this rhetoric presentation (T_T), I had a poster session and hung out with KH, IN, and WZ. Plus there was a project about pop-up books, and one with a virginal, which were beyond amazing. Went to WZ's that night to check Bio pset answers, and talked about life. Good times.

Friday: Lunch included grilled cheese, broccoli and carrots, and broccoli/sausage/alfredo pasta. Needless to say, I was a happy camper. I watched When Harry Met Sally that afternoon, which was exciting because a) it is a fantastic movie, b) I have the same phone as Marie, and c) it has a bobble bird in one of the scenes, whose mechanism we explained in a BioE pset, and I was one of the few to get that problem right because I didn't look on Google, which had a wrong explanation. (PWNED.) And later I'm going to Nordstrom Rack with WZ and SB for my shoe edification. And then tonight is my Breakfast at Tiffany's party. And by party, I mean movie+snacks.


October is always my favorite time of the year, not because of the season (although it is a nice balance of sunny and lightly rainy).It's because I get to be at school again, and although it's rather stressful, I'm not as burnt out as in spring, and I can still emerge from consecutive late nights generally without horrible angst. I still have energy to do fun stuff (see above) without worrying about what I'll do in the summer (although I should start thinking about that...). Also, since people haven't been at school for ages, the drama hasn't really started yet. Plus I can meet new people in the dorm without seeming weird, like I would later in the year.

Emo Week

Or maybe it'll be longer than a week. Who knows.

I'm pretty sure it started last Wednesday, when we learned minor scales in music class. I remember thinking it was just too ironic, and it didn't bode well for my midterm that night (which actually went OK, but not great). And after that, it was just a week of bad grades in homework, essays, and midterms, and messed up labs, drama over next year's housing, and general emo-ness. It wasn't even PMS. And then yesterday, after I got my two worst grades ever (relatively for my midterm and literally for my paper), I skipped dinner and went to sleep at 8pm. Yay for thirteen-hour naps!

There were good parts this week, too, I suppose. It's been sunny the whole week. I went running twice, outside. (The second time I almost pulled a muscle, but still.) There were dumplings today at lunch. I got free Jamba Juice yesterday at Frosh Rally (some kind of mango one, it was really good), and I got a letter from S. Plus last Thursday I went to eat at the Creamery with G and W, and although it was $$, it was really good. (oven-fried chicken? mashed potatoes? steamed vegetables? mint-chocolate-chip shake? All signs of general win, in my book.) I also went home last Saturday, so I ate two lunches. I'm noticing this all revolves around food...

Oh, and I hauled twice this week. The first was the annual Zoya Polish Exchange. The deal is that you could send in six or more unwanted polishes from your stash, along with $3.50 per bottle, and you would receive a new bottle of Zoya nail polish for every bottle you send in. I split a package with K, so that we could get over the six-polish minimum. Turns out we both sent in six. At least we saved on shipping, right? I got these:

Blair

Casey

Lael

Posh (why is this the only one with a cap?)

Richelle

Roxy

K got these six:
Akyra

Charla

Kotori

Mieko

Rea

Suvi

I wish they'd let us exchange for their polish remover, because I desperately want to try it. Plus I'm out of acetone remover.

My second haul is with the Old Navy 30% off sale. I got a black string bikini bottom, because my current swimsuit bottom is kind of huge, even though I can tie the sides. My new one looks exactly like the old one, except hopefully it fits better. Here's a picture:

I suppose it doesn't count as a good thing this week, because I haven't gotten them yet. I just paid for them.

I also watched this week's Glee episode, Bad Reputation. I really liked it for some reason. I don't know if it was the harem pants in Can't Touch This (Brittany in red Hammer pants? hilarz.) or Mr. Schuester's interrogation scene (esp. Kurt and Brittany) or Rachel's Run Joey Run music video, or the last Total Eclipse of the Heart. That last song is my current favorite Glee song, along with Like a Prayer from the Madonna episode, and Gives You Hell (whose clip I found on iTunes for free!) and Hello Goodbye, and possibly Run Joey Run. Can't Touch This is also good, but only with the video. I watched the music videos for Glee songs so many times (esp. Total Eclipse and Like a Prayer). Mum would say that watching too much TV is why my life is deteriorating. She's probably right.

I think this should be the end of this Emo Week, because I have a break in midterm season until next Friday. Plus I got all my bad grades back. No~~just remembered my psych project is coming back soon. Won't be pretty. And my music midterm is coming back next week too. I don't know if I should be worried about it. I finished in the first half hour and I was the first one done. I thought it was easy...

Looking back on this list, I'm not sure why I was so emo this week. I did forget/de-emphasize a lot of the more depressing parts here though. The housing drama and the bad grades were pretty aggravating. Also, I'm not in as emo of a mood now (knock on wood), so I'm remembering the happier parts. You know those questions on psych surveys where they ask, "Do you think you can change your emotions?" I'm pretty sure the answer is no. To some extent, mood isn't even based on what events happen in your life. If you're sad, you think about events differently than if you're happy. Stuff that might not be a big deal when I'm happy may seem extremely annoying or depressing when I'm sad. Even if something happy happens, I would just focus on the bad parts of it (because I can always improve, no matter what the situation is).

Ennui

Ran 4 miles today (on the treadmill, as time goes faster when you can't see where you're going). Not a bad run, either. I only walked (4.0 mph) like four times after the first half mile, each for 0.1 mile or less. No achy breaky joints yet. Good sign.

Apart from that, I've been in kind of a blue funk lately. Before this weekend, I've been sleeping at like 10 or 11pm. I think I might do that today also. For the last 3 hours or so, after I finished my chem pset, I've just been sitting, aimlessly browsing the internet (the same sites over and over again), examining my iTunes library, and eating. I ate a whole sandwich bag of baby carrots, half a bottle of Life Water, a cup of ginger tea, and a few peppermint puffs (Red Bird Brand - so good!). Ok, I suppose that's not too much. But a bagful of carrots, that's a good amount. Plus I've been in a I'm-so-ugly and nothing-looks-good-on-me mood. I think I'm going to start a log of my moods; every day I'll record a number from 1 to 10. Then I'll be able to see if there's a pattern, like if it's monthly or something.

Speaking of clothes....I've gone and online-shopped again (how embarrassing). Due to the raging storm this past week, my roommate and a friend and I each got rain boots from Target, and we got free shipping because it was over $50. I got ones with citrus fruits on them. I don't know if they're too childish/crazy, especially with my not-too-refined wardrobe. But hey. They're rain boots, right? Rain boots are supposed to be crazy, right? At least a little crazy? Oh god what have I done...

And you know what else? Now I need skinny jeans to wear with them. Forever 21 apparently has $10 skinny jeans, hmm...